“Naruto Runners” scouting the parameters of Area 51 caught and detained by guards

Naruto runners scouting the parameters of Nevada after hearing that real life anime cat girls were being held captive in Area 51. Source: CITY PAGES

AREA 51: Home to aliens, anime cat-girls, Minecraft 2 and all other wonders of a teenage boy’s wet dreams, the highly classified United States Air Force (USAF) Area 51 had been scheduled to be raided on Sept. 20. Currently, more than 1.4 million people across the globe have pledged to take part in the raid.

A Facebook event scheduled to be held on September 20, is titled “Storm Area 51, they can’t stop all of us”. Over 1.4 million people have marked themselves as “going” to the event as of July 17, while 1.1 million are “interested”.

The plan is simple, “We will all meet up at the Area 51 Alien Centre tourist attraction and coordinate our entry. If we Naruto run, we can move faster than their bullets. Let’s see them aliens”, the commanders of the raid explains.

The plan however, did not turn out so well. 

On July. 17, reliable news agency The Daily Bugle reported that a horde of “Naruto runners” who had been circulating the parameters of Area 51 were caught and detained by the security guards. Results of the friendly interrogations by the USAF defense team revealed that the Naruto Runners were of the 1st to 3rd raid battalion, tasked to perform recon in order to locate “dem alien cheeks”. The captives further added that “We, who are only Genin ranked members, are but the first wave of the raid. The next wave of recon will include Kyles, anti-vaxxers and Catholics”.

Video footage of the failed reconnaissance was released later that day. The video showed one Area 51 trained guard taking down the horde of Naruto runners with ease.

Leaked CCTV footage of Area 51 guard taking on the horde of Naruto Runners. Source: Not the CIA or Illuminati

Raiders and citizens of the internet shared suspicion that Area 51 guards were all equipped with “anime powers” and “alien technology”. Raid leader Smalus Dickus, however, showed no signs of backing down and even further posted on the Facebook Group that “The video has helped us confirmed that Area 51 is holding anime waifus and aliens captive. This is massive Intel that will eventually contribute to a successful raid on Sept. 20”.  

Following the failed recon mission, raiders around the world remain unshaken as September flights to Nevada continued to skyrocket. The U.S. Air Force had recently released a strict notice on their social media platforms warning people not to go near Area 51.

Twitter post by the U.S. Air Force in a desperate attempt to prevent the great Area 51 massa… raid. Source: Twitter

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