Facing a storm of backlash from social justice warriors on Twitter and other social media platforms, the Dalai Lama has clarified his recent statement about the attractiveness of a female successor.
In a recent interview with the BBC, the Dalai Lama was questioned about comments he made in 2015 when he said that a female successor would need to be “very, very attractive”, as otherwise she would be “not much use”.
Due to the multitude of criticisms, the venerated Tibetan leader in exile released a press statement on Twitter today (2 July).
“If my female successor is not – as Americans call it – bangable, who will care about the Dalai Lama anymore? The next US president (Donald Trump) certainly would not.”
“In a time where most Americans think that the ‘Kama Sutra’ is a Buddhist scripture, attractiveness is no longer a luxury. It is a necessity should Tibetan Buddhism still wants to survive.”
The press statement also claimed that the Dalai Lama’s justification was inspired by the Catholic Church.
“If the Church can alter the definition of the Holy Trinity (now known as the 2 Boobs 1 Pussy) to successfully attract more followers, maybe Buddhism can learn a thing or two from them.”
In a gesture of solidarity for the Dalai Lama’s position, the Pope has issued a papal bull today. The public decree stated that his successor must be a good-looking girl, preferably under the age of 12, in order to satisfy the ‘needs’ of both the clergy and general population.
Religious experts say that such a move is likely to boost church membership numbers due to increased participation from paedophiles (excluding existing priests).